I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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