Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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