DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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