I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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