OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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