YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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