i permit you to call me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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