There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I party with great urgency now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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