I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
