she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
