so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
