Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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