I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
