in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
