Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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