Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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