just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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