I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
