Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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