His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
ttyl tear gas
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
