hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
