You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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