Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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