I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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