I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
