and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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