How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
