The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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