i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
