woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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