come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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