I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you inspire me to be a worse person
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
