So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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