We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
