If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
