this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
