At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
