You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Watching her eat just hurts me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
