even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
