On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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