I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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