Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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