if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
