i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
