I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
