Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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