People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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