Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
