Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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