Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She told me I should be a condom model.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
