I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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